Denial - How I Realized I am Psychic Part 2

“She finally agreed to sit down with me, and the crazy thing was that the second she sat down and looked at me, I got this wave of information and I knew everything she was about to tell me before she even said it.”

This is part 2 of a six-part series about how I realized I was psychic. If you’re just finding me, start with part 1.  Want to read the entire series? Subscribe to my Substack.

Sometimes we know things we don’t want to know, or aren’t ready to accept. And our brains have a funny way of managing that for us. Often it takes something painful to break through that protection — many of my greatest lessons have come through traumatic events, and I’ve noticed that same thread in so many of my clients as well.

Let me set the scene. I am a freshman in college at one of the biggest party schools in the country. Our dorm is basically a non-stop party and I quickly connect to a great group of women who become my close friends. And all the firsts are happening for us, first time living away from home, first time at college classes, first time having to eat on a college meal plan and for me, my first real boyfriend. At the time, I thought we would get married and live happily ever after because that’s society and media tell 18 year old girls to think.

But things did not work out exactly as I planned. The Gulf War started and the boyfriend decided he should join the Navy out of patriotic duty (or maybe the fact that he was failing all his classes). I agree to be in a long distance relationship and would only see him a few times a year.

I am working like crazy because I need the money and I need a distraction from the fact that I am in a long distance relationship with someone who I almost never see. And during this time, I had this falling out with one of my close friends. She was part of our friend group and she and I were really close. And then one day, she got upset with me over something I said that I didn’t think was that big of a deal. I apologized but she refused to speak with me. And this went on for months, and I knew there had to be something else to it. Now remember, this is before email or cell phones or texts. So I just kept leaving her messages and writing her letters and dropping them off at her apartment, explaining to her that I really valued her friendship and that I would love to try to repair it. I even asked our mutual friends about it and no one really said anything, but it started getting awkward for all of us.

Finally, one evening I got the nudge to call her again. I was working at a restaurant at the time and I called her from the pay phone in the hallway. She surprisingly picked up and finally agreed to meet, and asked me to come over after my shift.

And I remember it so vividly, like it was yesterday. That’s what happens with some of these psychic memories, it’s almost like they are highlighted in my brain. We were sitting on the front patio of her apartment in Arizona. It’s really late, probably after midnight, but in Arizona it’s still hot. She lights up a cigarette and takes a big inhale. And as she is exhaling, before she even says a word, I get my second full download of information (my first was in part 1, if you haven’t read that yet, check it out). It’s like a computer download of all this information all at once, connecting a bunch of dots to events I wasn’t even seeing. I know everything she is about to tell me in that moment.

She exhales and says, “there is something I have to tell you…”

And then she proceeded to tell me that she had been having an affair with my boyfriend almost the entire time we were together, and that everybody had known about it. She starts sharing details and dates. Times he said he was out of town and he was with her. Times she said she was busy and she was with him. But the weird thing about it all is that she is telling me all this and instead of freaking out, I am in the weirdest state of calm, because I already know everything she is telling me. And aside from all of the betrayal, I should at least be freaked out that I feel like I just timeline jumped and am rewatching a soap opera. But nope, I am just sitting there calm and not even mad about it. If anything, I am thinking that I want her to speed this up because I already know what is going to happen after all of this.

Once I left, I do end up feeling a bit shaken, integrating it all, and I tried to explain it to myself by saying I must have been subconsciously blocking it all out, and once I knew she was going to reveal it, I forced myself to admit what I knew. And honestly, that could be part of it. But there was a resonance, a feeling that I now recognize as a connection to my intuitive senses. A connection to my inner divinity. And I remember at that moment that I felt that feeling the same way I felt it in the park in San Francisco where I got my first download. And that was my first clue.

And here is what I have realized. Science, therapy, how our brain works — a lot of the information we have is written in a language we feel comfortable with and most of us accept. And energy and intuition often say the same thing in a different language. As a teacher of intuition and psychic abilities, I can say that yes, I most likely was repressing what I already knew was happening and not ready to accept it, AND that was my claircognizance at work. I was not emotionally ready to accept that my first love and first real boyfriend was cheating with one of my best friends. So I actively blocked that information until I was ready. I didn’t have to keep pursuing the friendship with this woman. I could have let it go. But I was ready, and part of me knew exactly where it would all lead.

What if we ALL know the answers all along, and we convince ourselves that we do not?

After this all happened, I ended up transferring to a new school in a different state. And while the decision was made to escape a situation I didn’t want reminders of, it was also very divinely guided. I met some of my closest lifelong friends at the new school and it completely changed my life trajectory. I had to see that sign in the hallway about the Peace Corps to nudge me to apply. I had to develop new relationships to learn new things. Looking back on this, I realize certain events happen in our life to force us to change course. At the time they seem really difficult, but with time and distance you realize they were exactly what you needed.

Of course, hindsight as they say is 20/20. So even though this crazy thing had happened to me, it was really only the beginning. Because a few years later, I’m sitting in a hotel room in Dallas, talking to a total stranger about a man who looks like Jesus, herding sheep, and trying to figure out if past life regression is even real. That’s part 3.