The Knowing - How I Realized I am Psychic

"I've realized now that I was always psychic, I just didn't know it when I was younger. This is part one of how I figured that out, and how I almost talked myself out of it completely. So from a very young age I always had this knowing…"

This is Part 1 of a six-part series about my journey to discovering I am psychic and I can channel energy to heal others.  Read the entire series on Substack 

From a very young age I always had this knowing. Knowing someone was anxious or sad and trying to hide it. Knowing someone’s anger was because they were actually feeling insecure. Knowing the adults around me didn’t actually know as much as they let on. And that was an uncomfortable and scary experience as a kid to be honest. I felt like I knew things I was not supposed to know and part of me kept worrying that someone would find out and punish me or hurt me for knowing too much.

As I grew older, my people pleasing tendencies started to kick in. I wanted to fit in and I wanted to be liked just like most people. I stopped sharing my thoughts or “knowings” and often, I would just ignore them because they were in direct opposition to what someone else thought. The one thing I couldn’t stop was feeling the energy of others around me. I remember sitting in class in grade school and being absolutely terrified of raising my hand in class because that would mean all the attention and energy in the room would be directed at me. And that felt completely overwhelming unless I was absolutely certain I had the correct answer. I was a little perfectionist in the making.

I grew up the oldest of three girls so I was expected to figure out a lot of things on my own. I was also a child of the 70s. The time when they had TV ads saying, “Do you know where your children are…” because our parents were convinced we needed to be outside and THEY needed to be enjoying their cigarettes, boxed wine and gossip. This was the peak of hands off parenting. And I can’t say I had a problem with it most of the time. It was nice to be able to do what I wanted, the issue was usually that life felt a little bit like Lord of the Flies with the meanest and most dominant kids making all the rules.

So I had a lot of time to explore things with very little parental interference. As a curious kid, I got into all kinds of trouble, but I remember just knowing certain people or places were unsafe. A boyfriend trying to convince me to get in his car drunk, a friend trying to get me to buy alcohol at the corner store with a very obvious fake ID. There were times I knew these things would be ok and times when I just knew they were not. I look back and am very grateful for the times I trusted my instincts, I know they saved my life more than once.

As a young woman, I remember very vivid experiences involving older men. The strangers in the street, teachers, bosses. Having their energy directed at me did not feel comfortable and I couldn’t understand that until I got older. I just knew it felt uncomfortable and because I didn’t have language to explain it, I often avoided situations or stayed home to avoid them.

The one thread that was always there was a curiosity about people and about life in general. I always sensed there was so much more to life than we were being told and I naturally gravitated to books and information about metaphysics and the power of the mind. Science fiction, mythology, metaphysics, religious mysticism were all things I was fascinated with. And I was so confused with why everyone was not as equally enthralled with this information as I was.

And life kind of fell into place. I started accepting things that I just knew and would chalk it up to being lazy. I applied to only one college and got in. My senior year of college, I walked by a sign for the Peace Corps and knew I would do that after graduation (with no knowledge that it was actually fairly competitive to get accepted). But the first time I remember getting an actual download of information was in San Francisco.

I had just graduated college and had a few months before my start of the Peace Corps, which I did end up getting accepted into. We were visiting my grandparents in Sacramento and were doing a day visit in San Francisco. After a day in the Haight Ashbury district, I remember eating ice cream at the park and it hit me. It was like receiving a lightning bolt of information into my body and my brain. A mild physical sensation, a warm touch to my entire body with the energy directed right at my head.

The download told me I would end up living in San Francisco and having a life here. I had grown up in New Jersey, gone to school in LA and Arizona and had never even considered living there. Too cold, earthquakes, a little too crunchy for me. But it wasn’t a question or even an offering. It was a clear knowing. I would live there one day with my family (2 kids specifically). I forgot about that moment until about 15 years later, I had two kids, was married and living in the North Beach neighborhood of San Francisco.

And as amazing as this all sounds, I never once thought of myself as psychic or intuitive. I just thought there were some interesting coincidences in my life and didn’t think much more. Until one afternoon, a few years earlier, I sat down across from a close friend, and I knew everything she was about to tell me before she said a single word. That’s part 2.